i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
