I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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