Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
