fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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