My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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