yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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