Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
