sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
