ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.