I just threw up on my dentist
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
