I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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