the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
