Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying