so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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