UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is classic penis vs brain.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.