my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something