I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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