Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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