sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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