Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
