He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
