just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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