Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
