She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
