His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
