You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
