Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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