Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
