i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
