I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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