If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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