Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
