I wish I could teleport
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we're making bets on your personal life
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
