ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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