Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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