There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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