Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
