i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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