Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
