Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
