Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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