It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
