Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
