I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
