I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
