I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
