Your dad touched me again.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
