Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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