Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
