it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
