I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
