i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
