Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
