i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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