your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The cops high fived after they tackled you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
