alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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