it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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