dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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