I didn't shave. On purpose
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
