she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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