I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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