Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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