Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
