I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
