just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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