i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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