NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
