her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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