Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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