I queefed so loud it echoed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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