my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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