listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
