Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
