I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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