I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
