the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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