i would punch a child for taco bell
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
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I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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