brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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