you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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