even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
