I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
