Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
