Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
my liver is dry heaving
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
