I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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