Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
